"Mother, Father did I do all right?"
Last words of Han Qing Jao (Gloriously Bright)
from Orson Scott Card's Xenocide, page 592
from Orson Scott Card's Xenocide, page 592
During my lunch break today, I sat in my car and finished listening to Xenocide. Tears came to my eyes as I witnessed the passing of Han Qin Jao. Here was a lady who had lived 100 years, never quite certain if she had pleased her parents. This really got me thinking about my children, and about parenthood. Do my children know that they have "done all right" in my eyes? More importantly, how can I help them develop a secure sense of self; one in which they don't require the approval of their parents in order to have peace?
I don't know the answers to these questions, but I think they are important quesions. I see a possible answer in a concept I recently stumbled upon in a post on LDS Philosopher. Jeff Thayne's article asserts that there exists more than the two options of self-confidence or low self-esteem. Rather, a third option is being others-centered. A focus on self (in either extreme) is ultimately selfish. The scriptures teach us to be focused on others.
Now, I am thinking of my parents. Mom lives a life of serving others. I never recieved any pep talks from her about self-esteem or self-confidence. I am guessing that none of my siblings did either. Instead, we witness(ed) her countless acts of focusing on others. My Dad is similar. There were plenty of times for him to give me pep-talks about feeling good about myself: especially since I participated in sports for a large part of my growing-up years. Don't get me wrong: I listened to my fair share of sermons; but none focused on self-esteem, self-confidence, or their approval (or lack thereof).
Did I know that they approved of my actions? Did I care? I guess I know they loved me; and approval was not really part of the equation. I didn't want to disappoint them; and in this sense I sought their approval.
I've yet to approach the other-centeredness found in my parents. If home-teaching were a measurement of this trait, I am failing miserably. I feel encouraged to work on this, though. As I live in a such a way that says: "life is about helping others", this may foster an environment conducive to a healthy, other-centered, sense of self in my children.
*Picture of Statue of Chinese poet Li Qin Jao
I don't know the answers to these questions, but I think they are important quesions. I see a possible answer in a concept I recently stumbled upon in a post on LDS Philosopher. Jeff Thayne's article asserts that there exists more than the two options of self-confidence or low self-esteem. Rather, a third option is being others-centered. A focus on self (in either extreme) is ultimately selfish. The scriptures teach us to be focused on others.
Now, I am thinking of my parents. Mom lives a life of serving others. I never recieved any pep talks from her about self-esteem or self-confidence. I am guessing that none of my siblings did either. Instead, we witness(ed) her countless acts of focusing on others. My Dad is similar. There were plenty of times for him to give me pep-talks about feeling good about myself: especially since I participated in sports for a large part of my growing-up years. Don't get me wrong: I listened to my fair share of sermons; but none focused on self-esteem, self-confidence, or their approval (or lack thereof).
Did I know that they approved of my actions? Did I care? I guess I know they loved me; and approval was not really part of the equation. I didn't want to disappoint them; and in this sense I sought their approval.
I've yet to approach the other-centeredness found in my parents. If home-teaching were a measurement of this trait, I am failing miserably. I feel encouraged to work on this, though. As I live in a such a way that says: "life is about helping others", this may foster an environment conducive to a healthy, other-centered, sense of self in my children.
*Picture of Statue of Chinese poet Li Qin Jao
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